solo mama entendre

Sometimes it’s good to just sit and ground myself in the notion that everyone has issues, not just me. It’s just that we’re not really talking about our issues. Often we stumble on other people’s issues by accident. Sometimes those close to us might trust us enough to share their issues, or ask for advice or help or just offer a listening ear.

We are living during a time where people do try to put their best image forward, although at times we see the cracks in the veneer. I will admit I’ve gotten a bit more reticent about putting my life out there on front street when it comes to social media. I think my resistance to doing that is seeing what’s going on in the world and writing most of my stuff off as first world problems. But they aren’t, they are universal concerns because they are about health. And we can’t take health for granted.

In mid-March, I experienced my first heart attack. This came a month after an emergency appendectomy (not related) that I had in India within twenty-four hours of arriving there. I had been experiencing very mild chest pains over a weekend. How I ended up in the emergency room wasn’t even totally intentional – it was saying “hey, can you check this out” at my primary care physician’s office when I stopped by to get a document signed. Three days later, I had two really strange and unexpected diagnoses – a spontaneous coronary artery dissection (it is exactly how it sounds) in my left anterior descending artery and fibromuscular dysplasia (not quite as specific sounding, but equally alarming) in one of my renal arteries and my vertebral arteries.

How freaky is that? I don’t have a history of heart issues. No one in my family really does either. I was up at 2:30 a.m. on the cardiology floor of the hospital crying on my night nurse’s shoulder, confused, full of questions, suddenly wondering if my life would end much sooner than I ever expected and what I needed to do to plan for that. A little over a year and a half ago I had a preventative bilateral mastectomy to avoid alternative MRIs and ultrasounds every 6 months and now I’ve traded that for CT scans of my arteries every 6 months.

I have since had some pretty big revelations about what is important and what isn’t, how I’d like to spend my time and who I would like to spend it with. I also started cardiac rehab – yes, it is just me and a small group of men who are 70+ years old on the days I go – and that has been really helpful and educational. My teenagers have not necessarily been nicer to me with my potentially shortened life span. My son tells me to suck it up, it took this long for my artery to tear apart, and I’ve got quite a few years left in me. My daughter flip flops between enragement about my not brushing my hair before I leave the house or touching her laundry and hugging on me for no reason.

I’m trying to learn about these new diagnoses – they are primarily women’s health issues, so there is even less information about these conditions than menopause. I rely on social media support groups to learn more about others’ experiences with these conditions and have secured doctors at the Mayo Clinic and a Colorado teaching hospital. I’m updating my will. I’m setting up payment plans for a million new medical bills coming my way. I’m taking a few medications to prevent future heart attacks, and trying to slow down a little and pay attention to my stress levels. What’s weird now is that my heart is “telling” me what’s stressful because I start to have mild chest pains when I’m stressed.

Why am I sharing this new scary health information? Because I think it’s a lot more common than we know. There are a number of possible causes, a couple being hormonal triggers and stress. It’s not inactivity or a poor diet necessarily, which is what we usually associate with heart attacks. It is most commonly diagnosed in women who are pregnant, postpartum, and between 40 and 60 years old with pretty healthy hearts and lifestyles. Pay attention to anything that feels different in your body. I’ve done that twice this year and both times, it has probably saved my life to act on those weird feelings. Take care.