getting older

It’s a lot scarier than I ever thought it would be to get older. I can’t see small print without glasses anymore, and my mind is definitely not as sharp as it used to be. I don’t remember names of songs or bands I’ve listened to for decades. I often wonder how these old men keep getting elected as president. I’m not trying to be a jerk, I know people are still brilliant when they are older, but it seems that the time it takes to process information and recall things from memory gets a little slower.

I spend a lot of time analyzing my skin in the mirror. I know it will never look better than it does at this moment. Working out hurts more, injuries take longer to heal. I’m more exhausted than ever before. I seriously have a different type of medical appointment almost every month as part of regular maintenance. I recently took my car in for an oil change and listened to the “advisor” in a shirt and tie at the fancy dealership I went drone on about service milestones at 48,000 miles, 60,000 miles, 90,000 miles and I thought about my own doctor appointments. How will I keep things straight between services for my body and my car? Do I schedule a colonoscopy at 50 years old or 48,000 miles? Is it time to get my brakes or my eyes checked?

Old age in this country seems frightening. If I live that long, I don’t want to be driving around when I’m 86, getting flipped off or cussed out when I get confused about when to make a turn (honestly, this is already happening), or running down to Walmart to pick up a prescription. I don’t want to be doing any of this even now at 50. By nature of the fact that I had my kids at age 39 and 40, most of my mom friends are in their 30s now. Sometimes when I’m talking with them, my mind drifts off to when I was their age. Busy traveling the world, finishing up my graduate degree, getting divorced, dating a few psychopaths, crying a lot, and finally thinking at age 38 that it might be nice to have a kid one day. It wasn’t necessarily the best time of my life and I don’t really miss that decade.

I have a precious few older female friends who have had colorful lives just like me and they are amazing, doing incredible things, and inspiring me every time I’m in their presence. They don’t talk about their physical and mental slowness or pains. They don’t focus their efforts on finding a companion due to some irrational fear of being alone. They no longer obsess about whether they are building a healthy and happy foundation for their kids or just screwing them up for life. They are just…free. I want that.

2 thoughts on “getting older

  1. I wish that for you! And here’s a thought from a 70 yr old!( oops 71 yr old. You will go through those periods, and when you come out of that particular time,, there will be somethimg you don’t mind amymore. i think of my mom at 92, hiding her keys that we found in her purse the week she died with 3 Vallet tickets. My brother had taken her keys away because we didn’t want her driving.She adapted.. She wasn’ afraid to flirt with 30 yr olds in bars. Even though it embarrassed us, she knew she was just having fun. She didn’t care what others thought, she adapted for herself. I find myself starting to do “crazy”things I never would have had the nerve to do 30 years ago, and I just live each day trying to make life a little better or smarter for myself and those around me. For example, it drives me crazy how so many people in my gym only know one side of the story. We go in mid morning when it’s pretty empty, . So I started gradually changing 4/5 TVs ( the 5th is always on a stocks channel )off Fox News I figure people may just inadvertently get “the rest of the story”.Maybe, they’ll pick up one valuable piece of info- and I leave smiling. I know you’ll adapt and hopefully , you’ll leave smiling too!❤️ Aunt Dawn

    Liked by 1 person

    • I had to pull out my glasses to read this response ♥️♥️😂 I love this! I love the story about your mom and the valet tickets and her flirting. The 30 year olds probably loved it and smiled. I didn’t realize I would get more anxious about getting old rather than settling in and enjoying life. I worry about the kids and getting too old for them while they are still little. 😣 maybe I will cross a bridge here shortly and not stress so much about all this. Thank you for reading and the passing along these thoughts ♥️ love you!!!!!


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