Solo Mama: Never Do This

If you’ve read any of my posts over the past couple of years, you have probably read some of my daughter’s “Never Do This” statements. At times, she gets on a roll and will bother me every few minutes while watching a video, playing with her toys, listening to music, or just riding along in the car.

Below is a collection of a few of my favorites. Just for a laugh. It is important to note that due to the tedium of reading my job “title” over and over, I omitted the “Momma” from the start of each warning. Make no mistake, each warning is prefaced by at least one “Momma.”

Health and Safety (General Well-Being) Warnings:

“Never open your mouth while you are in the water. You might swallow a crab.”

“Never look up when someones says ‘there’s an airplane.’ They might rob you.”

“Never hide in a fireplace.”

“If you are suspicious, just walk away!”

“Never let anyone look in your purse unless it is a trusted person.”

“Never hold out a shiny coin. It will attract stuff that will eat you.”

Warnings Related to Bunnies:

“Don’t ever build your tent by a pile of rocks because a bunny could throw rocks on your tent.”

“Don’t ever put a string on a tree and hang from it because a bunny could come and cut the string and you will fall down.”

General Advice:

“Never get embarassed when you are on a stage.”

“Never put a heavy pumpkin on a boat.”

Momma’s Warnings That Are Often Overlooked by Children:

“Never show your momma videos from the backseat of the car while she is driving 75 miles per hour on the highway.”

“Never point your arrow or your airsoft gun at your sister.”

“Never spell out profanity on your trash can or refrigerator with magnet letters. Especially before family visits.”

“Never give up the possibility that you can aim straight into the toilet bowl when you pee.”

 

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