Solo Mama: When You Are Not Trying Hard Enough

I’m just curious. Has anyone out there been involved with some type of “system” in life – justice, education, employment assistance, public assistance, mental health , child welfare, religious, medical (health) care – and are told by someone “inside” the “system” that you are just not trying hard enough? You are not trying hard enough to be a whole, healthy, ideal, productive citizen of this community.

For the first time in my life where I feel like a lot hangs in the balance, I was told by someone “inside” the “system” as a beneficiary, recipient, consumer, user of services, whatever, that I’m not trying hard enough.

Let’s count up the hours in the week that I have dedicated to trying hard enough on this particular issue: 8 hours of group or individual time and at least 5-7 hours of personal time to study each week plus numerous hours of launching coping skills which fail half the time. That’s on top of soccer, swimming, dance, school, work, dog sitting, budgeting so I can pay a shit ton of money to “un-crazy” myself, consulting and caring for two young children who need to be bathed, fed, helped with homework, LOVED, etc.

I’m just not trying hard enough. Really?

If you work in any kind of “system,” please choose your words carefully when meeting with your students, consumers, clients, patients, offenders, residents, whatever you may call them in your line of work.

Are there some cognitive distortions going on in this post? Rationalizing? Justifications? Maybe! But I need my moment. Go screw yourself, system! End of rant! 🤪😂

4 thoughts on “Solo Mama: When You Are Not Trying Hard Enough

  1. That’s awful. People who haven’t had to struggle in that way just assume everyone has it the same as them. You would think being in the line of work you would have more empathy.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Not so much that I wasn’t trying but I often got the message I was too much.

    It carried with me and it often made me fearful to explore my own baggage as it had been deemed too much.

    I now think Messages from the system are usually wrong and tainted by the messenger – often laced with their insecurities and projections.

    You’re trying. It sounds like you just need that basic human validation of being seen for a moment – not judged.

    Hugs – I hope this gets easier.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I often get that message too- that I’m too much- or I can sense that I’m too much for people. It makes me want to just isolate myself so I don’t overwhelm anyone.
      I hear what you are are saying about it being more about the messenger than the message. A lot of reading I’m doing lately is pointing me in that direction.
      Take care of yourself. Thank you so much for reading 🤗

      Liked by 1 person

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