I have no secrets to weight loss. In fact, these secrets can likely lead to weight gain.
- Be broke enough that when you take your kids out to eat, you can’t afford a meal for yourself.
- Cut gluten out of your diet when you’ve made so many sandwiches for school lunches you can’t stand the smell of bread.
- Co-sleep with your children and as they grow, stretch yourself into so many unnatural positions that your body burns calories as it reels in pain from awkward sleeping poses.
- Pay $30 a month for a gym membership that you don’t use. The stress from paying needlessly for something burns a few calories a month.
- Balance out the effects of extra cortisol generated by lack of sleep with a minimum of two fully caffeinated coffees per day, one for breakfast and one for lunch.