solo mama entendre

I really love my kids’ daycare. When I first enrolled my son, I couldn’t imagine how I would pay the weekly fees. Now, 5 years and one more child later, I have come to learn that it is one of the more affordable daycares in the area. I have invested tens of thousands of dollars into the first 5 years of my children’s lives. It has definitely been worth it. Not only for the love, education and support my kids receive from the teachers at this school, but also for the entertainment that their daily experiences bring to my life.

Lunch Menu
Until my daughter became more verbal, my son had led me to believe that the only things served at lunchtime were bread, water and orange slices. This menu was not unlike some of the lunches I witnessed while working at the local jail, minus the baloney. He never deviated from his story and he was very believable. A recent conversation on the car ride home revealed a much more diverse menu.

Callie: Hey momma. Guess what I found in my chicken the other day at lunch?

Me: What?

Callie: A sausage!

Caleb: No silly. That was not a sausage, it was a hot dog!

Me: You found a hot dog in your chicken? (Thinking: Wow – the food is a lot more processed than I thought!)

Caleb: No momma. Callie, that was a corn dog.

Me: There was a corn dog in your chicken?

Caleb: NO! We had corn dogs for lunch yesterday. We had chicken today.

Me: Did you eat the corn dog?

Caleb: No. They make me throw up.

Theological Studies
From what I hear from their teachers, my kids are really smart, but maybe they tell that to all the parents. One time, just minutes after her teacher told me that she was a baby genius, I found Callie crumpled in a pile next to a fan in my bedroom, crying. “Momma, it won’t turn on.” I was quite shocked that she didn’t think to plug it in, since over the past couple of years she has witnessed Caleb and I struggling over cords and outlets and I have delivered numerous speeches on electric shock.

Of all the subjects they cover at school, Caleb always excels in biblical studies. Yes, you read that right. The first time I took biblical studies it was in college and I barely passed with a D-. I was disappointed to learn this past quarter that he was struggling with the dramatization of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. It just wasn’t something I expected him to struggle with. I’m not even sure how to get him up to standard on that one. A tutor?

Rules to Live By
My daughter is a staunch recorder (not follower) of rules. Based on what she says at home, it seems that her teachers run a tight ship at school.

“My teacher says we can’t touch each other.”
“My teacher says we can’t share food.”
“My teacher says we have to wear pants with our swimsuits.”
“My teacher says we can’t hold our friend’s shoulders while standing in a line.”

Then there is the list of things that are just plain forbidden (I fear that many of these are a result of her actually engaging in said behavior):

“My teacher says no kissing people”
“My teacher says no biting people”
“My teacher says no eating trash”
“My teacher says no eating food until we pray”
“My teacher says no eating people”
“My teacher says no throwing toys at people”
“My teacher says no kicking people”
“My teacher says no taking your pants off at school”

In the end, I have no doubt that the messages and stories get convoluted in the short distance between the classroom and my car. I do know that as financially painful as it has been, it has been worth every penny.