solo mama entendre

I’ve been dying to write again! Every day I categorize my experiences, my thoughts, my interactions with the kids, into short stories. It has been so long.

Let me start by saying that I AM SO GLAD CHRISTMAS IS OVER! My mood starts a downward spiral shortly after Halloween every year with the anticipation of Thanksgiving and Christmas and the new year starting. So much pressure occurs at the end of the year. The pressure not to gorge myself so that the only time I’m comfortable is when I’m wearing pants with an elastic waistband.  The pressure to make up for my perceived single mother with limited resources status and throw a great Christmas filled with the perfect presents for the kids. The pressure to start yet another “this is going to be the best year ever” kind of year.

On top of these routine stresses, this fall has also brought problems with my son’s new school. We will call what he is experiencing “not bullying” because it doesn’t fit the legal definition of bullying. Kind of like when you are at work and a police sergeant tells you he’d like the key to your “panty drawer” or a former sheriff asks if you are wearing underwear to make a point in front of his subordinates. It doesn’t make you feel real good but technically it’s not sexual harassment because they are not in positions of power over you demanding sexual services “or else”. “Not bullying” happens when your son’s classmate calls him names like “stupid, crybaby, dumb” or combinations of those terms but it’s excusable because the name caller hears those words at home because he was raised in a culturally different environment or he couldn’t possible be saying those things because he’s a nice kid who otherwise is always complimenting people. “Not bullying” happens when your kid gets picked on occasionally on the playground for the clothes he is wearing but since no one saw it except for your kid, it might not have really happened. “Not bullying” is when your kid is doing well academically and smiles a lot in class so whatever he is experiencing just doesn’t fit a definition that is actionable.

So “not bullying” causes your kid to mope around at home, burst into tears for minor issues, and refuse to get out of the car at school every morning to walk into his “safe environment” and tell you repeatedly that he doesn’t like his new school because he has no friends. I’m looking forward to meeting with his teacher and principal after the break to talk more about this concept of “not bullying”. I’m hoping we can find a mutually agreeable word that describes the discomfort my son is experiencing so we can engage in a plan together to help him finish out a more positive first grade year. Yes, first grade. We haven’t even hit middle school yet. I can’t wait to see what “not bullying” looks like in middle school.

The above has consumed a lot of my mental and emotional resources. Additionally, our beloved little whippet went into massive kidney failure this month. While her care blew up my credit card, she has come through to the other side and survived the “acute” event that occurred. Now she is about as much work as my kids, with a special diet, regular medications, and frequent clean ups of escaped bodily fluids (she is taking in a lot of liquids and therefore expelling them constantly). But I swear she is smiling most of the time and she is back to her  constant pacing of my home and racing around the backyard. Viva la Smoke!

Yes, my preoccupation with holiday stress and such has kept me silent lately. On a positive note, the silence has also offered some time to “listen” and I’ve gotten out and read more of my fellow bloggers’ posts which has been cool.

Not sure if I will be writing again before the end of 2016, so best wishes to all that check this post out for a happy and healthy 2017!❤️